Previous England captain Lewis Moody has disclosed he has been found to have motor neurone disease and acknowledged he cannot yet deal with the full consequences of the muscle-wasting condition that took the lives of fellow rugby players Doddie Weir and Rob Burrow.
The middle-aged sportsman, who was part of the 2003 championship side and lifted several English and European titles with Leicester, appeared on BBC Breakfast 14 days after learning he has the illness.
"There's an element of confronting what lies ahead and hesitating to completely absorb that at the present time," he commented.
"It isn't that I am unaware of where it's heading. We understand that. But there is absolutely a hesitation to confront the future for now."
Moody, talking with his wife Annie, says instead he feels "calm" as he concentrates on his present health, his family and making preparations for when the disease deteriorates.
"Maybe that's trauma or perhaps I handle situations uniquely, and when I have the facts, it's more manageable," he added.
Initial Indications
Moody discovered he had MND after detecting some reduced power in his upper arm while training in the gym.
After physiotherapy failed to improve the problem, a set of scans revealed neural pathways in his central nervous system had been compromised by MND.
"You're given this condition identification of MND and we're understandably extremely affected about it, but it's rather peculiar because I think I'm perfectly healthy," he added.
"I don't feel unwell. I don't sense poorly
"The signs I have are very minor. I have some muscle wasting in the hand area and the shoulder region.
"I continue to be capable of accomplishing all activities. And hopefully that will carry on for as long as is feasible."
Illness Progression
MND can develop swiftly.
According to the non-profit MND Association, the illness claims a third of people within a 365 days and over half within two years of identification, as ingestion and respiration become harder.
Treatment can only slow worsening.
"It's never me that I feel sad for," stated an emotional Moody.
"There's sadness around having to break the news to my mum - as an sole offspring - and the implications that has for her."
Family Consequences
Conversing from the residence with his wife and their pet dog by his side, Moody was overcome with emotion when he discussed breaking the news to his sons - teenage Dylan and 15-year-old Ethan - the traumatic news, stating: "It was the toughest thing I've ever had to do."
"These are two excellent boys and that was quite upsetting," Moody remarked.
"We sat on the settee in weeping, Ethan and Dylan both embraced in each other, then the dog jumped over and commenced licking the tears off our faces, which was rather funny."
Moody said the priority was being in the present.
"There exists no cure and that is why you have to be extremely intensely directed on just embracing and savoring everything now," he commented.
"As Annie said, we've been really lucky that the only real decision I made when I concluded playing was to spend as much period with the kids as possible. We can't reclaim those years back."
Player Connection
Top-level competitors are disproportionately influenced by MND, with investigations proposing the incidence of the condition is up to 600% greater than in the wider community.
It is thought that by limiting the oxygen obtainable and producing harm to nerve cells, regular, strenuous physical activity can trigger the condition in those already genetically susceptible.
Rugby Playing Days
Moody, who won 71 England appearances and traveled with the British and Irish Lions in New Zealand in 2005, was nicknamed 'Mad Dog' during his playing career, in honour of his brave, persistent approach to the game.
He played through a fracture of his leg for a time with Leicester and once initiated a workout confrontation with colleague and friend Martin Johnson when, annoyed, he discarded a tackle pad and started participating in collisions.
After appearing as a substitute in the Rugby World Cup decisive match win over Australia in 2003, he won a ball at the back of the set piece in the decisive phase of play, creating a foundation for half-back Matt Dawson to snipe and Jonny Wilkinson to kick the match-winning drop-goal.
Assistance Network
Moody has previously informed Johnson, who skippered England to that championship, and a few other former players about his medical situation, but the remaining individuals will be learning his news with the rest of public.
"There will be a moment when we'll need to depend on their backing but, at the moment, just having that type of love and acknowledgment that people are present is what's important," he commented.
"Rugby is such a great group.
"I mentioned to the kids the other day, I've had an extraordinary life.
"Even should it ended now, I've enjoyed all of it and welcomed all of it and got to do it with remarkable people.
"Being able to call your passion your career, it's one of the most important blessings.
"Achieving this for so extended a time with the groups that I did it with was a joy. And I know they will wish to assist in any way they can and I look forward to having those talks."
